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Reputation Control .........................................................................................Client William Flew
Highlights of the Interviews
Billy Connolly. First tip abt foreplay being like cutlery at flash dinner (start at outside and work yr way in). Then tip abt avoiding prem ejaculation: "You musn't think of sex or Poof! It's all over. I do the nine times table. I got to 81 once. I did a lap of honour round the bed."
Monty Python. John Cleese said he lost his virginity in Station Hotel in Auckland NZ (I used to work there is why it's signif)
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Joan Rivers. Only good thing abt growing old is they let you into the movies half price bc they know you'll forget and go back to see it again.
My first sexual experience? Well it was rape. But luckily he didn't press charges. People think that when you get older, sex is over. I have a very active sex life. I would just like a partner! I can still have full orgasm, as long as a man knows where to touch me. Which is Tiffany's.
In States we have Viagra Plus. I'm not joking. It's 36 hours of erection, so you can be ready when she is. Those poor old wives. There's these 90 yo guys and these dry old wives, and they are in and out, setting them on fire!
At 60 you start to fart. And you don't lose yr sense of smell til 70. You are so alone!
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Richard Harris. Used to get bored with women who'd come and stay with him, so rather than order them out, he told them there were ghosts living in the house. Then after a couple of days of them noticing the odd strange noise, he'd leave her a note saying "Back at 9pm and we'll go out to dinner" and then he wouldn't come back until next morning. And there'd be a note on the table "Dear Richard. Left Gone. Don't like yr house guests."
Judi Dench. P asked her if there was an award she had yet to win. "Well there's still Cruft's" she said.
Paul Anka. Living in France, heard a song there he liked, changed it a bit for piano. Then few months later got a call from Frank Sinatra (PA was a sort of junior member of the Las Vegas Rat Pack) saying he was going to do one final record album then retire. So he decided to write a song for that album - overnight composed My Way and sent it to him. A month later Sinatra called him up from Vegas and played him the song over the phone."And man, I knew my kids were going through school on that one!"
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Peter Ustinov. Loved being interviewed bc "It's only when I'm asked a question that I find out what I really think about something."
Stephen Fry talking abt depression. Reckoned Churchill's way of coping with it (apart from the bottle) was to talk to a pig. Why a pig? because cats look down on you, dogs look up to you, but a pig regards you as an equal.
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Clive James. Hilarious story abt growing up in Sydney where had an outside dunny with no sewer. Man came to take the pan away once a week. At xmas everyone left out a bottle of beer as a tip. Well one year he must have been sampling beer on his way round, and unfortunately CJ had left his pushbike on the footpath. Dunny man had hurdled it on way in with the empty pan, but must have forgotten it on way out, with the full one."So I heard this terrific noise, which sounded exactly like a man who's carrying a full dunny pan on his shoulder, tripping over a bicycle, and then there was the far more sinister sound of the lid springing off. I went out and took a look down the side of the house, and there he was. The stunning thing was that none of it had missed him. He was a very disappointed man."
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